We See Through Our Own Filters!

"Some stories in our heads were told to us by others. Some we created ourselves."

 --Me (from Self Image Mastery Class) 

A woman was waiting at an airport for her hours-long flight. Since her flight was delayed, she had several hours on her hand. So, she went to the airport shops and bought a book and a bag of cookies. She sat next to a man and started to read the book she had bought.

While she was engrossed in her book, she saw that the man beside her boldly grabbed a cookie from the cookie bag. She ignored the incident to avoid a scene.

She munched some cookies from the bag and went back to her book. But the man seemed to have enjoyed the cookies way too much; he took some more cookies from the pack and started munching them.

By the passing time, she was getting increasingly irritated as the cookie thief finished her cookie stock. Every time she took a cookie from the bag, he took one. Finally, when the last cookie was left, the man nervously took that cookie and broke it in half. He offered the other half to the lady and smiled. The lady snatched the other half of the cookie from his and thought,

“this guy has some nerve that even after eating a half bag of my cookies, he didn’t show any gratitude.”

She had been so galled by the man and was relieved when her flight was called. She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate. She boarded the plane and sat in her seat, reading her book. She reached her hand in her baggage; she was surprised to find a bag full of cookies in it.

"If my cookies are here," she moaned in despair,  "the other one she was eating from was his bag of cookies, and he tried to share."

While she was flushed with anger about her cookies, the man was happily sharing his cookies with her. She was filled with feelings of guilt and regret. But, It was too late to apologize.

OUCH!

How many times have I only looked at a circumstance or person through my own eyes?  I created a story in my mind of what was going on or who they were and I was wrong.  I assumed something or jumped to a conclusion that was incorrect.  I don't have enough fingers and toes to count. 

I have spent some time in airports this last month and as I was watching people, I took notice of where my thoughts went. OMGoodness! The assumptions I made! 

It’s normal for us to see things on the negative side. It’s because of the way our brains are wired. When we criticize or belittle ourselves or others in our minds, we tap into the body’s threat-defense mode. It's the fight or flight part of our brain from cave man days. These days, we're not fighting lions and tigers. Most of the time, we're fighting the stories that we tell ourselves.

Here's an idea: How about we begin to change the uncertain meaning that we add to people and things? 

1. We can do this by asking questions about the circumstances and individuals that we are impacted by.  Is what I'm thinking true? What are the facts to what I'm telling myself?  We can ask the other person their perception, too. 

2.  If we don't know the answer, and can't find out the truth, let's declare "noble intent." Let's believe the best about the other person or the circumstance. Let's tell ourselves a good story! That will be so good for our attitudes. We can do that because we have the power to change our thoughts. 

Imagining the good (most of the time:),

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team