When We Don't Have All The Answers
Jun 08, 2020
"Nothing will cause more anxiety than trying to control that which we can't."
--John Maxwell
I have facilitated Leading Through Crisis a number of times, but last night the above quote stood out to me more than ever. When we sold our home in Grandview mid-July of last year, we had the hardest time finding a home in Tri-Cities that we liked, in the price range that we desired. We had looked at 46 homes by the first week in August and none of them were "The One." The date for the new owner of our old home to take possession was August 30th.
In Leading Through Crisis, one of the distractions during a crisis is fear of the unknown. I had that going on big-time! What if we don't find a place? Do we rent? Geesh, I don't want to move twice. And if we do rent, where? Do we settle for the home that we already toured that we could live in after massive renovation? Do we need to go up in price range? I don't want to be house poor. Do I even want to look in Pasco? I spent a ton of time looking on Zillow. I swear, I knew the details of almost every home in there. I tried to work this "crisis" every which way in the my head. My thoughts were like a horse running around and around in a corral. Talk about anxiety!!
The night before we were going to look at more homes, I finally through up my hands in "Whatever!" mode. I gave it up. The only things I could control were my attitude and to continue looking at homes. The moment I surrendered was the moment my anxiety lessened. AND...
In Leading Through Crisis, one of the distractions during a crisis is fear of the unknown. I had that going on big-time! What if we don't find a place? Do we rent? Geesh, I don't want to move twice. And if we do rent, where? Do we settle for the home that we already toured that we could live in after massive renovation? Do we need to go up in price range? I don't want to be house poor. Do I even want to look in Pasco? I spent a ton of time looking on Zillow. I swear, I knew the details of almost every home in there. I tried to work this "crisis" every which way in the my head. My thoughts were like a horse running around and around in a corral. Talk about anxiety!!
The night before we were going to look at more homes, I finally through up my hands in "Whatever!" mode. I gave it up. The only things I could control were my attitude and to continue looking at homes. The moment I surrendered was the moment my anxiety lessened. AND...
The very next morning, we found "The One" in Pasco...and we hadn't even been looking there.
What can we do when we don't have all the answers? Here are some things that I learned. These aren't just my ideas, but ideas from participants in Leading Through Crisis:
1. Surrender the unknown. Let go and accept where you are. As a person of faith, I give it to God--He's up all night anyway, probably working on my challenge. No sense in both of us losing sleep.
2. Focus on what we can control and then take action. Procrastination fuels anxiety, so take the next step, whatever that is...and then celebrate that step forward, no matter how tiny.
3. Ask more questions. Look at the situation from different angles. Engaging in conversations with others can give different perspectives and can help us think outside the box.
4. Write about the situation. I have found that writing challenges down on paper gives me clarity. The emotions surrounding the unknown are clarified, the fears are black and white, and the challenge seems smaller.
5. Focus on the big picture based on what we know. In my life, things always seem to work out for me. I don't mean that to sound arrogant, but if I look back on my life, I can see that we have been divinely guided. I know this...but sometimes I forget. Sometimes the control freak in me comes out of the closet and tries to organize EVERYTHING.
I am sure that you have your ways of thriving when you don't have all the answers--I hope that you will share them with me. The arsenal for coping can never be too big in these ever-changing times.
Still don't have all the answers,
Jan
Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team
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